Embarassing Things Occupying My Time

I haven't blogged in far too long, and it is for several very important reasons. Or not so important, but several actual reasons.

1) NCAA Football '11 has come out for my beloved Xbox360. I've probably spent at least an hour playing it every day for a week. It's among my vices- I like sports themed video games. I budgeted some money for it this month, so I feel justified in enjoying it. Also, once the school year starts, I will likely never touch it for months at a time. That's what he said? Anyway.

2) A road trip with friends to scenic Iowa! We had, on a whim earlier this summer, decided to road trip to Des Moines where my friend Rachel's parents live. Free lodging! It was only, really, 24 hours in the city/area, but we jam packed them with fun. Here are some great photos to prove it:

Look! Cows! We really are in Iowa!




We also went to the roller derby while in Des Moines. It was a really fun time, and I met the love of my life, Mid-Iowa Roller jammer Lolli Pop Ya. I can't ignore a name like that.


There's a really cool sculpture garden in downtown Des Moines, and this was easily my favorite one.


We also trotted up to Ames, Iowa to see a butterfly house and giant outdoor/hot garden.

Amanda has an excellent recap of it all over at Constant Cravings, her vegan travel/tribute to K.D. Lang blog.

As far as financial news goes, no news is good news. I got a letter in the mail from American Family which, threatening tone noted AmFam, told me they were going to come after me about the insurance payments for the house I haven't owned in four months. It also claimed they had sent me a letter in May about it (really?). I called my agent who said, "Oh yeah, don't worry about that, I'll call them." So I'm assuming that's done.

The only financial issue upcoming is that I still haven't paid my car's property tax. I'll just have to make a sacrifice some upcoming month (and maybe harass my parents for a little help) to pay it. I just completely forgot about it, and I remembered it in the shower yesterday, the place where all good thinking happens for me. I usually just pay it with me tax return, but the return this year was miniscule unfortunately.

Oh, and I leave for New York in ten days :)

A Rant

When I was young, MTV had this incredible pull on my psyche. I clearly remember staying up late and watching 120 Minutes or Headbangers Ball, and, back in the day, when The Real World was actually real (and compelling television). I have long since mourned the loss of The Real World as legit television. People who go on it are far too aware of the brief fame/notoriety the show will give them, so their behavior cannot be seen as anything but camera whoring. Even in the 90s I tolerated when TRL ruled the airwaves because, sometimes, a band I would like would go on there to promote an album. I always thought Carson Daly sucked a little bit, though.

Then, as MTV evolved into not-so-real reality shows and celebrating being rich and obnoxious (two polite terms for the girls on My Super Sweet Sixteen), I grew much more indifferent than anything. "Really," I said to myself, "it's not like this is the lowest possible denominator. It's bad, true, but it could be worse."

Then MTV released its most horrifying and offensive show to date.

The Hard Times of RJ Berger.

Allow me to summarize the concept: every cliche about high school in the history of ever. Every cliche about fat people, nerdy people, jocky people, everyone really balled up into one show. But this show, you see, has one incredibly hilarious difference that, clearly, makes it worthy of our time.

RJ Berger has a huge penis.

Wow. Groundbreaking television work here. You might say, "Well, you know, it could happen." And you're right. It's entirely possible that a high school student with a huge dong would happen to have his pants pulled down near center court of a basketball game and expose his gigantic manhood to the entire school. Then, all logic and reason fly out the window, and you wonder if it would be likely that every conversation for the rest of this kid's like would center around his penis. Because that is what this show asks us to believe.

RJ had friends before this- two fat (but, God forbid, not too fat) people, a boy and girl, who are awesome stereotypes. The girl is a horny obsessive, and finding out RJ's schlongadilly is big just sends her right over the edge. The boy is, like all teenagers, hilariously obsessed with achieving sexual intercourse. What well developed, interesting, and imaginative characters, MTV. Really, all they need now is some racism and...

Oh, the show mentions that a Japanese woman's mouth isn't big enough for his penis. Oh, okay, they've got it all covered then.

This show is actively bad for people to watch. I am stupider for having endured part of several episodes. It's sort of how I feel about teaching a lot of the time- we get asked to do all kinds of things outside of what we might normally do as teachers. I ask myself each time if what I'm being asked to do is good for kids, and if it isn't, I try my best to make it as such. But when something is bad for kids, I feel powerless to stop it (I see you, No Child Left Behind). I feel powerless to stop stupid bullshit like The Hard Times of RJ Berger, but I sure as hell can complain about it a whole bunch.

LeBrandon James

Breaking news, loyal readers. LeBron James is leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers to play for the St. Joseph Mustangs. Maybe during his time in St. Joe he will enjoy the same delicious, ripe ass avocados I have enjoyed from HyVee.


Those avocados are, guaranteed, delicious. And ripe ass. Don't forget how ripe ass those avocados are.

I did, indeed, go to the grocery store this week. On Tuesdays HyVee does a bunch of "Tasty Tuesday" specials. I think I blind myself to think those deals impact me because they don't really. 95% of the specials are for things I don't buy/need. The only deal I took advantage of was three bags of shredded cheese for $5. I needed cheese, but I couldn't over look that ripe ass deal. Sorry, just used to saying that now. No big deal, though, because I came in $50 under budget at the grocery store for the month. I know normal people probably go grocery shopping more than once a month, and for a while I tried that too, but only getting paid once a month and living by myself really lends itself to that kind of shopping. And it's already a third of the way through the month and I still have a bunch of food.

I also made this purchase as an admission of aging.

Actually, let's talk about the LeBron James crap. It has nothing to do with money, but whatever. Listen, I get that he is the best player in the NBA since Jesus, but the rigmarole surrounding his defection from Cleveland is insane. As a Royals fan, I know what Cleveland fans must feel. Several years ago the Royals traded Carlos Beltran, who was awesome, for Mark Teahan and John Buck. Not even. Neither of them even play for the Royals anymore. Sure, John Buck just made the All Star team, but it's a fluke. John Buck is no Carlos Beltran. Anyway, reactions to LeBron vary wildly depending on who you support. As someone who isn't a huge NBA fan (as there is no team near me... is Oklahoma City closer than Chicago or Denver?), I feel like this has disaster (or as Beyonce might say, "disas-tuh") written all over it. Three super star players on one team could have a bunch of personality issues. And they don't have a proven point guard. Not to my liking at least. I sort of hope it implodes. He should have stayed in Cleveland. Because, at the end of the day, at least they're not Detroit! THEY'RE NOT DETROIT! They will, however, have to find something new upon which to base their economy.

I'd also like to take a minute and pimp my friend Amanda's blog Constant Cravings. She's a vegan food blogger, and the blog has a travel focus as well. Aside from all of that, she's my friend, and that requires you to read her blog. The ice cream featured in her most recent post makes me want to leave my apartment and go get some ice cream. What more can you ask for? Click on her ads too. And mine. Don't forget the ad clicking. It's my favorite kind of clicking.

I heard she eat one cracker a day

I have a financial decision to debate, and I'm curious for your feedback. It relates to the $50 a month I pay my apartment to park in the underground parking garage. When I mention that it costs $50 to park in the garage, people have two opposite reactions:

"Oh, completely worth it"

or

"That's ridiculous. What kind of complete and utter moron would pay for that"

Me. I'm that guy. But, in this money saving time, I am faced with the decision of whether or not this $50 is completely necessary each month. I thought a list of pros and cons might help:

Pros:
-Security. It's the biggest pro. See, if you didn't know, the catalyst for this whole financial fallout was having the home I owned robbed. It traumatized me in ways I didn't know I could be traumatized. Among the reasons I picked the apartment where I live is that there is card access to enter the building. The security of not parking outside is very comforting.
-Not dealing with weather. I never have to scrape. My car is comfortably cool in the summer and appropriately warm in the winter. I don't have to worry about hail damage. That's pretty awesome.
-Not having to deal with the general populous. My building has several commercial ventures on the first floor, and I get to avoid talking to people because I bypass that floor. Okay, maybe this reason makes me an asshole, but sometimes it's nice to not be forced to talk to strangers. STRANGER DANGER.

Cons:
-Cost. Like I said, it's $50 a month. That simultaneously feels like nothing and a lot. I just pay it with my rent, so it doesn't feel like I'm paying anything extra. That being said, my rent payment goes down to $550 without the extra $50, so that's awesome.
-Damage. The parking spaces are ridiculously tight, and for most of my time in the building that has been okay. Until recently. Over the past few weeks the world's largest SUV has started parking in the spot next to mine. I recently discovered this on my car door



Yeah, it's a scratch. To be honest, I don't even know if it came from the aforementioned SUV, but I don't like the odds. The parking lot, like the rest of the building, has these huge pillars everywhere, so the parking situation is tight at best.

I'm personally leaning toward the pro side. I know it's $50, and I could spend that on new underwear and khakis for the school year, but I just value the security far too much. I know other people in the building who park outside, and none of them have ever had problems with their cars out there (I don't think at least), but I'm not sure I'm willing to risk it.

Last week I house sat for my parents while they traveled to scenic Branson, Missouri. I took this picture of two of their dogs and now shamelessly post it because it's adorable:



Awwwwww! We can say it together. "AWWWWWW!" I received three bottles of wine from a winery in the Branson area as payment, and I feel this is an appropriate payment indeed.

Moving back on track, I've received my July paycheck. I've also received my summer school paycheck. This is exciting and worrying all at once. See, I'm stupid, and I saved the budget I made for July on my school's server. I guess I could go in there and get it, but I think I'll just make a "for now" July budget and get back on it with August's paycheck. I'm already doing fairly well, I think, because I had ample opportunity to spend a bunch of money already and I haven't. I haven't had fast food yet either. I know it's only been three days since I got paid, but I somehow feel accomplished anyway.

The real highlight of the past several days, though, is the summer school paycheck. I have officially purchased my plane tickets for vacation! I have only ever flown Midwest because their seats are wide and they give you a fresh baked cookie on board (and they're SO GOOD!). This time, though, because I'm flying on a weekend, it was crazy expensive. Isn't that illegal or something? "We know a lot of people are flying today, so let's jack up the price." Shouldn't they lower the price because they don't need as many people to make their profit margin... or whatever. Listen, I clearly know absolutely nothing about this stuff. Anyway, I'm flying American Airlines because they were the cheapest by almost $75 to the next closest, and well over $100 cheaper than Midwest.

I'm terrified I'm going to be one of those people you hear about on the news who is too fat for his seat and gets thrown off the plane because he was so pissed at how he was treated. I picked my seat on their website, and I made sure the seat had an adjustable armrest. They say the arm rest is for their passengers with "physical challenges." I never quite thought of my weight as the part on Double Dare when kids shoot slime at each other on Nickelodeon.

Anyway, I'll be in New York for a week, and I can't wait! I know we're doing a movie in the park one night, and that will be fun! And cheap! I'm going to try to keep this trip on the cheap as often as possible. I do have a few museums I want to see, but I'm also going to try to keep those cheap or free if possible.

And, as a final note, I should mention that I feel like a dick asking you to click on those ads. I certainly appreciate the support, but I feel like a sellout and an asshole. So, if you don't want to click them, don't. But if you don't mind, I appreciate it. I made some okay money already off the clicking. I'll be happy to click some ads on your blog if you want me to.

No, but seriously, click on an ad.

It was your heart on the line

I am now the proud owner of a savings account. Woo!

Brief story- two of my friends have had a debate of sorts about North American Savings Bank (NASB). One insists that when she enters the bank the women who work there are cold, unfriendly, and hardly accomplish their job without giving her a dirty look. She then sees her boyfriend and his father walk in, and the women perk right up, conversing and damn near flirting. I was going to perform a social experiment and see if, when opening my savings account, the cute female employee would offer herself to me sexually. I decided against it because I already bank at UMB. You might note I didn't say UMB Bank like much of their signage- because UMB already has the word "bank" in it, thanks.

The woman who helped me open the account was a super nice lady named Linda who, as I learned, has grandkids at CHS who I didn't teach, but she still thought that was really neat.

I'm going to completely interrupt my own train of thought to point out, again, how much I hate the Education Connection commercial that airs on Adult Swim between Family Guys. I hate the song, it is arhythmical nonsense, and I can't stop watching the commercial for some stupid reason.

Moving on, Linda helped me set up the savings account. Now I have $100 saved! And I went to the Farmer's Market, Olive Garden, and Baskin Robbins on just $20. I had a good friend in town, and who am I to say no to her desire for delicious Italian(ish) food and ice cream. I'm also trying to eat better, you know, and I made better decisions at the eating locations than I normally do. Then I went for a walk outside tonight because it's nice.

Finally, thank you for your clickin' on those ads. The money it "estimates" I've made is something like 25938% more than I thought it would generate. So I'm assuming the "estimated" amount I've earned on there is wildly inaccurate. In any case, KEEP CLICKING! Keep visiting! Also, if you would, "follow" me on here. I guess it helps too! I love you guys :)

I was only gone for a couple of hours

The point of this blog is to chronicle my experience with bankruptcy and the aftermath thereof, so when I saw the "monetize" button above my last entry, I got an idea. I should totally make money on this! So that's why you see ads here now. You should click on them. I get money when you click on them. I don't know if it tracks how long you're on the website and if that compensates me differently. I don't know how it works at all, actually. I would probably just click a link and leave it open for several hours while you're doing other, more interesting things. Here is a short list of things you could be doing while you have a link from my blog open:

-Play Mario Kart Wii
-Watch a plant perform photosynthesis
-Visit The Tap Room in St. Joseph and not be served for nearly two hours while failing to inform them their Chiefs flag is upside down (and the Chiefs training camp will be here in about a month... hope they catch it!)
-Turn on the radio and change the lyrics to the song playing to being about how Vanessa Carlton is bisexual (this works especially well if the song playing is "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton)
-Clean my apartment
-Visit Penn Street Square in St. Joseph and see the Nazi memorabilia case
-Be horrified by that case
-Go to The Gothic House and have lunch with me (So I drive by this place nearly every day, and I saw a commercial the other day and it looks fancy and delicious. Therefore, it will be closed in about a week. WE MUST GO NOW.)
-Read an important book
-Watch funny videos on The Onion
-Nap

I'm about to do that last option now. Thanks in advance for your support!

I can do a backbend- I will not call you back

I had the much worried about MEETING... OF... THE CREDIT-ORRRRSSSSSSS last Friday. I imagine that being said in the voice of James Earl Jones... or Darth Vader, whichever reference works best for you. The morning started by me waking up earlier than I wanted to, which has been the norm for the summer. My body is like, "Hey, I know you're done teaching summer school and all, but wouldn't it be awesome if you woke up every morning at a ridiculous hour even though you don't have to work?" I know, it sounds hilarious, but it actually really blows when you've stayed up until 2:00am watching the Behind the Music about Courtney Love. She's sort of a fascinating creature. I'm awed by her resilience and confused by her decision making process. That all being said, Live Through This and Celebrity Skin were two of my favorite albums in the 90s. Luckily for me, the night before the aforementioned M.O.T.C. was spent sleeping.

I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm and hopped in the shower. I had waited to shave until that morning so I'd give the judge/whoever the impression I was a clean cut professional even though, in reality, I dress with the minimum amount of professionalism to not get in trouble at my job. If I had my way (I'd eat peaches every day... no, not the recording artist. I'd never eat her) I'd wear shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops every day to work. Anyway.

The photo on the left is the aftermath of my shaving recklessness. I cut my nose. I have never in my life cut my nose shaving, but, of course, the day I have to go to court to convince people I'm going to start being responsible, I cut the hell out of my nose. It hurt really bad, too. If anything, it woke me up. Then I proceeded to cut my neck more than I ever had shaving before. As evidenced by the following photo:



It's like my razor decided to make me look like a meth addict.












Anyway, I begged my father to come with me for moral support. He obliged, thankfully, and he gave me a ride to the aforementioned 1940s style intimidation building. Pictured here.

I sort of felt like I was on Mad Men or something. Although, to be honest, I've never seen Mad Men. I just know John Hamm went to Mizzou and that makes him great. And his great work on 30 Rock.

I figured out how to get upstairs- it's in the world's oldest elevator. When we got up to the second floor there was a large waiting area dotted with other people. I was relieved to see they weren't dressed up because I'd immediately assumed they were all there to yell at me about my poor spending habits. As it turns out, they had all also filed for bankruptcy. There were probably ten cases there with me. My lawyer showed up at the last possible second (or in plenty of time, whatever). It felt like I sat outside the courtroom forever, then inside the courtroom forever, before he showed up.

I was second on the list. The first thing the judge (I guess he was a judge) did was try to scare everyone about what would happen to us if we lied. You know, that jail thing. The first couple that went up, we discovered upon eavesdropping on their conversation, had just filed for bankruptcy four years previously. I thought that was illegal or not allowed or something. In any case, he talked to them for a long time and asked them some really hard questions they visibly struggled to answer. It was potent in scaring me.

He called me up and my attorney and I made the long walk up. There was a woman sitting at a nearby table on the other side of the partition who I assumed was there for me because I'm paranoid. She wasn't. This was almost exactly how the discussion with the judge went:

"Where are you employed?"
And I answered.
"What kind of car do you have?"
And I answered.
"*some comment about my lawyer not being specific on the form*"
I did not answer.
"You plan on keeping the car?
And I answered.
"You don't own real estate now, but had a home foreclosed upon in March?"
And I answered.
"Did you think it had any equity?"
And I answered.
"All right, then, I abandon all interest in this case and wish you good luck."
And I sat for a few seconds longer than I should have, and my lawyer ushered me out of the court room.

That was it. It literally lasted about three minutes. No one was there to yell at me. No one questioned my love of Taco Bell's Crunch Wrap Supreme. It was a tremendous relief.

And now, in two months, I will get a discharge notice, and I will be DONE WITH THIS WHOLE PROCESS! And, most notably, I'm done paying for it. So summer school ended, this bankruptcy thing is ending, and things are really looking up.

The battle to be less of a fatass isn't going as well, but that is a much larger and more intimidating process. It's a daily battle, and I've lost the last two days. There's always tomorrow. Unfortunately, I'm house sitting for my parents, and their food is good. Like there are pizza rolls filled with cocaine in the freezer. Not literally. They're just addicting. I'm making a really smart joke. Anyway, hooray for positive changes. Aww yeah!

You've Gotta Let Me In

I changed the layout around here, and now that background is hilariously topical. Look, it's money, and I write about money on here. It's really clever and works into your subconscious. I'm so funny.

Anyway, this Friday is the meeting of creditors I have to go to at the Federal Courthouse downtown, which is much scarier than the county courthouse (so much scarier that I felt the need to capitalize the words). It's at the building downtown that also houses our post office, and it looks like a building that should be in a bigger city. It's very 1940s stylistically, and it makes me wish I was going there for less terrifying reasons. I don't even know how to get upstairs; I've only been in the mail part downstairs. Maybe I can ride in one of those little tube-y things they send mail through. That'd be cool.

The meeting is at 8:00am, and I don't know much else about it. I'm going (and hopefully dragging my father along for moral support); that's about all I know. They're probably going to ask me a lot of questions like, "Why did you need to have six credit cards?" and "Why are there so many charges for Taco Bell on this credit card?" and I'm not going to have sufficient answers. It will likely be something like "I paid for school with some of them, but I also paid for living," and "I really like the Crunch Wrap Supreme." I have to pay my lawyer the final $300 at this meeting as well, and hopefully that will end the seemingly endless amount of money I have to pay to file bankruptcy which is a public declaration that I have no money. It's certainly a sacrifice I'm willing to make, though, for financial freedom. I'll be sure to update on the goings on at the meeting.

Required before this meeting, however, is a post-filling credit/financial counseling course I was able to complete online. It required a minimum of two hours with the material. There were eight chapters, some much shorter than others, and I was crazy paranoid that I wasn't going to come close to meeting that time requirement. I set the stopwatch on my phone to help me, but it turns out the website kept track for you. I kept thinking "I'M READING TOO FAST!" while going through it, but, to my surprise, it took me precisely 121 minutes to complete the course! Woo! The content was about 75% really helpful and good and 25% stuff I already knew. What's frustrating sometimes through this process is the fact that I know some of this already, I've just made stupid decisions. Certainly a learning process to use my knowledge better! One of the most enlightening things in the course was a fresh look at budgeting. For so long I didn't budget because every penny was going somewhere, and it was overwhelming to realize that there wasn't enough money to go everywhere. Now that I've done the course, I have an actual budget that allows me to put $100 in savings each month. Did you know that I don't even have a savings account? It's ridiculous and stupid to say, but I'm happily going to open an account with my next paycheck. $100 isn't much, but I hope it will add up.

The budgeting process I went through focuses on three different levels of goal setting- under $500, $500-$2000, and over $5000. My goals were fairly simple, some more specific than others, but they suggest keeping the goals on a card I would keep in front of my debit card as a friendly reminder to not spend money on stupid stuff. I'm going to try it!

Consumer Rapport

Now that financial stability is in my future, I'm beginning to consider replacing items that were stolen from me, broken, crappy to begin with, etc. Step one is replacing a digital camera. My dad subscribes to Consumer Reports, so I'm going to start there. When I bought my last digital camera almost four years ago, I was looking to step toward a semi-professional camera, and this caused the purchase of a nice but cumbersome camera. It was huge and bulky, making travel with it ridiculous. I am blessed to have not been mugged in New York wearing that monstrosity around my neck. It also was great at taking still shots, but if my Shaky McShakerson hands moved a half millimeter the photo was blurry. So this time I'm definitely looking for something more cost effective- the last one was nearly $400. I'm not hoping for anything super professional, just a solid camera that takes clear pictures that fits in my pocket and/or messenger bag easily that costs in the $200 or less range.

Step two is replacing a television. I had two televisions stolen last year, so I'm looking for something fairly nice. My current television is terrible, unclear, and sort of huge. I play my 360 on it from the loveseat, literally five feet from the screen, and the details cannot be deciphered. I'm looking for something in the 36" range I think- nothing ridiculous. I don't want a plasma screen, that's not needed, but something that is visible across the vast expanse of my one room apartment would be nice. I'm not nearly as sure about price here, but I'll have to save for awhile for this after my vacation this summer. It's clearly not bothering me enough to do something about it immediately, I'm just... considering the future I suppose.

Step three would have been a new laptop, but God smiled at me and my employer gave its teachers brand spanking new laptops to use, and it has been miraculous to use a nice computer at home. I only wish the internet at my building wasn't awful. The internet at school is fast, but it blocks facebook. I know my way around it, sure, but it's annoying nonetheless.

It's a beautiful day outside, and my friends and I are going to play foursquare and swing on some tire swings. Should be fun :)

It's Been Awhile

Okay, so I haven't updated in a month. My excuse: it was the end of the school year. That essentially translates into my complete exhaustion and schedule explosion. Some developments in my financial life include:

-There is now a date set for my "meeting of creditors." Essentially, it's a terrifying time where I have to talk to my creditors face to face and explain... God, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say. Ideally, I say nothing and my lawyer says everything. I have to complete post-bankruptcy filling credit counseling before this meeting, and it costs $75 or something. Then I have to pay $300 when I go to the meeting. Filing bankruptcy is an expensive thing. I always heard people talk about how divorce was expensive, and I never quite got it. I get it now.
-A beneficial development of the bankruptcy is actually having money now. Because I've been allowed to stop paying the things the bankruptcy is dealing with, I actually have money to pay my bills, buy groceries that aren't under one dollar, and have a little extra to pay for things like graduation gifts, writing retreats, Chiefs tickets, and road trips.
-I'm teaching summer school. It's extra money, and I'm going to use it to pay for my yearly vacation so I don't have to take any of my actual paycheck out to do that. I'm going to New York again, and I'm excited to hopefully avoid being blown up by a car bomb!

In other developments, I'm working on being less of an unhealthy blob who plays his 360 all day after summer school. It's been moderately successful. That being said, I've won a world series playing MLB 2k10.