31 March 2010

Bankruptcy, Breakfast, and Beginnings

I have probably started something like ten blogs over the course of my life, and exactly zero of them are still going. So as hopeful as I am about this being beneficial for me in terms of reflection and such, I fully aware that, really, this is probably the only entry that will be in here. Eh, what can you do?

I just caught this awful Sunny Delight commercial on TV (do any of them really hold a candle to the "purple stuff" ad), and I found it on youtube. I wanted to post it here, but for some reason my computer wouldn't copy the embed code correctly. Maybe it's youtube's new page format, but, more than likely, it's my horrible computer.

My previous computer crashed, and due to my own idiocy, it cannot be repaired under warranty. So now I'm rocking the cheapest possible computer- one of those tiny little netbook things to be specific. It performs its job at what one might expect it to for under three hundred dollars. It's my own fault, though, and I won't get too much into it. The point is that it's an appropriate metaphor for how I treat my things and how I value, or don't value, money.

I've never really been good with money, but I got way in over my head when I bought my house. I knew I had crazy student loans (an entirely different issue), but I bought a house and a car within three months of each other. That was stupid. I was stupid about my money.

The title of this blog came from the fact that, as of next week, I am filing for bankruptcy. As far as Bankruptcy & Breakfast, I literally googled "interesting words that start with B" looking for a word with appropriate symbolism. I found the word "breakfast" and I liked the idea of breakfast starting your day, giving you energy, so on and so forth, and I like to think this is the beginning of a new phase for me. A new phase of openness and honesty with myself mostly. Here's my first bit of honest with you- this is genuinely what my apartment looks like right now:

So what you're seeing here is some fast food trash from this week, a dirty dish from tonight's dinner, and a pile of clothes yet to be put into my dresser. I've never been organized, but teaching is exhausting. I come home and, literally, the last thing I want to do is clean, organize, and be productive. As a teacher, and my fellow teachers will understand, you cannot afford to take a minute off from focus. One moment of non-focus can result in a kid getting depantsed. So when I get home I have to unclench so I can be ready to go again the next day. As a result- my apartment gets gross. I live alone, it's cool. I try to clean it for company, but when no one is here, screw it. I have trash cans- I know it's easy to throw the trash out. I get it
Tomorrow I'm taking a mental health day from school. It's an early out, and the day before we get out for Spring Break. The kids are going to be nuts- I can't do it. I'm spending my day tomorrow washing my car and going to the credit union. I'm hoping they will let me refinance my car for a cheaper payment. If they don't, I face the serious and distinct possibility I will lose my car. That, my friends, will be an adventure. Getting to school without a car will be fun indeed. But, really, it's not the end of the world. I continue to find that the more I "lose," the better I feel about my life. Let's get to it.