03 January 2011

He's a big dumb animal, isn't he, folks? Part Deux!

I continued my recent run of dumbassery over the past several days. Exhibit A:

This was my glass mixing bowl. I had kept all of my mixing bowls (a few metal, two plastic, and this once glorious glass one) on the top of the cabinet above my kitchen sink. My apartment is tiny; I had to make room. I have lots of stuff in my apartment whose location I cannot explain. So in retrospect, it was not the smartest location to keep the bowl. But I had kept it there for well over a year without incident. Then, last Thursday, I put the bowl back on the cabinet. A few minutes later it committed suicide. I listened to this song and cried while cleaning the pieces. In fact, I'm still finding tiny shards of the bowl embedding themselves in my feet nearly a week later. Its memory will truly never die.

Then, last night, I displayed a truly inspired act of dumbassery.

Lu called me to see about going to see True Grit (which, by the way, was excellent). I agreed, and he, DTAB, and I met at 36th Street restaurant which is now in the downtown Holiday Inn, which proves that it will never move into the first floor of my building as was rumored when I moved in. Anyway, the dumbassery began in a small way. I ordered shrimp skewers, and the shrimp were a) overcooked but tasty and b) completely impossible to remove from the skewers without making me look like an alien who just learned about this new thing called eating. And, to boot, the waitress was cute and told Lu she was watching The State on Netflix. I had rice all over the table and my shirt. The removal of the shrimp required my hands- a fork and knife were uselessly cumbersome. Like me (anyone else remember thinking that song was really badass? Just me?). My hands were sticky, rice was everywhere, and I felt like a moron.

We went to the movie from downtown by taking St. Joe avenue up to Blackwell to get to the North Shoppes, and turning from Blackwell onto the Belt Highway, I somehow ran over the median. I think I was probably jamming too hard to this song (which was playing at the time of the incident). It was also dark, and I simply didn't see it.

I immediately thought I had somehow ripped off the entire front of my car. I heard a weird noise, and the car kept veering to the left. I somehow made it to the parking lot, and I surveyed the damage. Sure enough the front driver's side tire was completely flat- some minor miracle allowed me to get it into the parking lot I think. We decided to see the movie before we fixed it. Here's a photo of "us" fixing it:

See, what's actually happening here is Lu is changing me tire because I have absolutely no idea how. After watching it done a few times now, I think I have a decent grip on it, but I was incapable of helping Lu. I owe him seventy six cases of beer (or something) in thanks for his help.

The donut tire (I feel like I couldn't spell that doughnut... there isn't dough) was interesting, though. It is colored a beautiful shade of what I call "dumbass yellow" as evidenced here:

See, it's bright yellow so everyone can see I hit what some might call a blindingly obvious median on St. Joseph's busiest street. Yes, that color would transmit that story.

So these continued incidents of idiocy have inspired me.

I've spent my Christmas break getting some stuff for me done. I cleaned my apartment, and I think it's looking pretty good. As mentioned in my last entry, I got some of my financial stuff sorta settled. That's good. But, when I titled this blog, it was ultimately because, after getting my finances together, I wanted to work on my health. It was food related, as so many things in my life are. I don't really make New Year's resolutions, but I did tell myself last summer I wanted to start working on getting healthier. The goal I gave myself was to do this before my college roommate's wedding this June. I'm a groomsman in it, and it's the first time I've ever been in a wedding that wasn't for a family member. An honor, really. But I thought it was a good excuse to get myself in working shape for an event with a bunch of strangers and, literally, one person I know.

That hasn't really happened. If anything, I've gotten worse. I will admit that my job and several other personal issues had me, for lack of a better term, broken by the time November and December rolled around. I was eating poorly, I didn't like my job, I didn't like myself all that much really. Christmas break came at a really appropriate time for me this year, and it is my intention to come back this semester kicking ass and taking names.

Step one: Not letting things that are awful at work make me think everything about my job is awful. It's ridiculous. There are things about my job I love more than anything in the world, and for whatever reason last semester I really let that negativity get to me. I know I have a lot of challenges, and I know I have things I'm going to do about the things I don't like (Captain Vagueman anyone?), but I'm here in the moment now. I can't let misery dictate my day to day life. Also, I'm getting a student teacher this semester. That entry I posted before about enjoying the idea of influencing future teachers? I sort of get to do that. And, if anything, it will take much of the grading/work burden off of me for at least a little while in a couple of months. I sincerely hope this semester restores me creatively and professionally.

Step two: Get my closet and files organized. My closet, as it stands now, is about knee deep with a bunch of crap. I'd like to change that. I also have a two drawer file cabinet that is, quite literally, filled with papers. Some are filed in folders, but many aren't. I actually think several of them are just in need of shredding. I might buy a paper shredder. Are those cheap? Anyway, that's another thing that will make me feel better.

Step three: The biggie.

I'm going to enter the Central High School annual Spring Fling 5K, 10K, and 1/2 marathon.

I'm going to run a 5K in four months.

I'm also completely nuts.

So here's my thought process:
-If I want to get serious about getting healthier, I have to actually do something about it. I have thought I was getting serious in the past, but nothing has stuck. So I thought this would be a kickstart.
-I like the idea of an event to celebrate the success of finishing the goal. It gives a finality to my work, and ideally I can find some other running thing to do in the summer. Maybe one per season would be good.
-I'm looking at the Couch to 5K program as my training regimen. I've actually tried this before and failed. It was when I was in college when I lived just a few blocks from the track at Hickman High School. Here's why I hope this will be different: a) the track I'll use is actually CLOSER than that considering it is directly below me on the second floor of my building and b) the track is inside. No weather related issues!

So, the real question here becomes this:

Anyone want to join me? Anyone want to run this 5K with me? I know it's going to be hard, but I want to do this. I'll do it alone, but if you want to train with me and run the 5K with me, that'd be cool. Takers?


  1. YES! i would love to run a 5k...let's do this!

  2. Way to go Brandon! I hope 2011 brings you creative and healthy success!

  3. I KNOW you can do the Couch to 5k thing! And it's going to be awesome! :)

    Also, I don't think anyone knows how to change a tire, so don't feel bad. And I need to call you so we can talk! I really want to see True Grit! So many exclamation marks!

  4. I would run with you... but I live just a little too far away. I'm training for my first 1/2 marathon in April and I totally afraid that I will not even make it half way without passing out!