I can do a backbend- I will not call you back

I had the much worried about MEETING... OF... THE CREDIT-ORRRRSSSSSSS last Friday. I imagine that being said in the voice of James Earl Jones... or Darth Vader, whichever reference works best for you. The morning started by me waking up earlier than I wanted to, which has been the norm for the summer. My body is like, "Hey, I know you're done teaching summer school and all, but wouldn't it be awesome if you woke up every morning at a ridiculous hour even though you don't have to work?" I know, it sounds hilarious, but it actually really blows when you've stayed up until 2:00am watching the Behind the Music about Courtney Love. She's sort of a fascinating creature. I'm awed by her resilience and confused by her decision making process. That all being said, Live Through This and Celebrity Skin were two of my favorite albums in the 90s. Luckily for me, the night before the aforementioned M.O.T.C. was spent sleeping.

I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm and hopped in the shower. I had waited to shave until that morning so I'd give the judge/whoever the impression I was a clean cut professional even though, in reality, I dress with the minimum amount of professionalism to not get in trouble at my job. If I had my way (I'd eat peaches every day... no, not the recording artist. I'd never eat her) I'd wear shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops every day to work. Anyway.

The photo on the left is the aftermath of my shaving recklessness. I cut my nose. I have never in my life cut my nose shaving, but, of course, the day I have to go to court to convince people I'm going to start being responsible, I cut the hell out of my nose. It hurt really bad, too. If anything, it woke me up. Then I proceeded to cut my neck more than I ever had shaving before. As evidenced by the following photo:



It's like my razor decided to make me look like a meth addict.












Anyway, I begged my father to come with me for moral support. He obliged, thankfully, and he gave me a ride to the aforementioned 1940s style intimidation building. Pictured here.

I sort of felt like I was on Mad Men or something. Although, to be honest, I've never seen Mad Men. I just know John Hamm went to Mizzou and that makes him great. And his great work on 30 Rock.

I figured out how to get upstairs- it's in the world's oldest elevator. When we got up to the second floor there was a large waiting area dotted with other people. I was relieved to see they weren't dressed up because I'd immediately assumed they were all there to yell at me about my poor spending habits. As it turns out, they had all also filed for bankruptcy. There were probably ten cases there with me. My lawyer showed up at the last possible second (or in plenty of time, whatever). It felt like I sat outside the courtroom forever, then inside the courtroom forever, before he showed up.

I was second on the list. The first thing the judge (I guess he was a judge) did was try to scare everyone about what would happen to us if we lied. You know, that jail thing. The first couple that went up, we discovered upon eavesdropping on their conversation, had just filed for bankruptcy four years previously. I thought that was illegal or not allowed or something. In any case, he talked to them for a long time and asked them some really hard questions they visibly struggled to answer. It was potent in scaring me.

He called me up and my attorney and I made the long walk up. There was a woman sitting at a nearby table on the other side of the partition who I assumed was there for me because I'm paranoid. She wasn't. This was almost exactly how the discussion with the judge went:

"Where are you employed?"
And I answered.
"What kind of car do you have?"
And I answered.
"*some comment about my lawyer not being specific on the form*"
I did not answer.
"You plan on keeping the car?
And I answered.
"You don't own real estate now, but had a home foreclosed upon in March?"
And I answered.
"Did you think it had any equity?"
And I answered.
"All right, then, I abandon all interest in this case and wish you good luck."
And I sat for a few seconds longer than I should have, and my lawyer ushered me out of the court room.

That was it. It literally lasted about three minutes. No one was there to yell at me. No one questioned my love of Taco Bell's Crunch Wrap Supreme. It was a tremendous relief.

And now, in two months, I will get a discharge notice, and I will be DONE WITH THIS WHOLE PROCESS! And, most notably, I'm done paying for it. So summer school ended, this bankruptcy thing is ending, and things are really looking up.

The battle to be less of a fatass isn't going as well, but that is a much larger and more intimidating process. It's a daily battle, and I've lost the last two days. There's always tomorrow. Unfortunately, I'm house sitting for my parents, and their food is good. Like there are pizza rolls filled with cocaine in the freezer. Not literally. They're just addicting. I'm making a really smart joke. Anyway, hooray for positive changes. Aww yeah!