This line is metaphysical

Tomorrow is the big day! I'm meeting with my attourney tomorrow, paying him an obscene amount of money, and giving him my paperwork to file for bankruptcy. I feel a strange mix of excitement, fear, and anticipation. I just want to know how it's going to work and what's going to happen. I have to pay $50 for a credit counseling course as well, and after tomorrow I will have all of $1.51 in my checking account. Thankfully I have some cash on hand- I need gas in my car! I get paid Friday, and through some generosity from my sister, my friends, and some serious restraint on my part, I'm going to make it through this month.

I finished what I could of the paperwork tonight, but a few things aren't clear to me, and I am going to have to ask my attourney what to do. The paperwork is ridiculous, the amount of money you have to pay to file is ridiculous, but I imagine that is all purposeful. Bankruptcy isn't to be taken lightly, I know. I actually had a woman on the phone from Chase Bank try to tell me I was making the wrong decision because I'm so young. I see it as the exact opposite- I'm young, single, and fluid. I don't have a family or spouse whose credit I'm ruining (nor do I plan on having one anytime soon), so by the time I might be settling down for that sort of thing, it will be off or nearly off my credit. This is a chance for me to finally make smart financial decisions- something I anticipate doing as soon as this process is over.

I'm going to try my best to still do the things I love- including my now annual trip to New York City to stay with my wonderful friends Erika and Adam in Harlem. It might only be a weekend instead of a week this year, but that's okay. And, really, it all depends on whether or not my school district is actually holding summer school this year. I'll be buying my plane ticket with actual money rather than credit. In the past I'd tried to pay it off with the summer school check, but it always ended up being most of it, so something like $100 would be left on the card. In any case, if I can't afford it this summer, I'm going to try to save up and go in the fall- maybe November or late October. I'd love to go late enough to see Rockafeller Center decorated for Christmas. Anyway.

Part of the filling process required me to get old pay stubs- and to do this I must go to the downtown library in Joetown which also houses the school district offices. It is a beautiful old building, and I took some photos of it while I was there.